Chapter 35: What’s leaving, What stays, What’s ahead?

May 11,2026, 5PM. Seated in an Ethiopian restaurant. Not in any dramatic sense, but in the quiet way memory ambushes the present. My wife was watching me across the table, her expression reflective. Perhaps remembering the young man she met when I was 23, and how I now sit here with a few grey hairs.

The room shifted soundtracks without warning. First came “Muzina” by Tabu Ley, and just as quickly it gave way to Sam Fan Thomas’ “Noa” and "Africa Typic Collection". The transition was seamless, like time folding into itself without asking permission. Sam Fan Thomas pulled something loose in me. My dad surfaced in that sound; the rhythm, the warmth, the unmistakable texture of a time I only half-inherited. I could see him, younger than I am now, caught in a moment I was never part of. There’s a photo I have of him with an afro. Full and unguarded. A version of him that existed before I was born. The music didn’t just remind me of him, it  reminded me how time flies.

Then the food arrived, served in pots. A young Ethiopian man placed them before us with the ease of someone simply doing his job, unaware he was also placing a reminder in front of me. A reminder that I am getting older. It wasn’t heavy. It wasn’t even unwelcome. But it was unmistakable. Ethiopia pulled me somewhere else entirely—not backward, but sideways—into a different register of time, where identity feels less fixed, more layered. A place where food, music, and silence seem to agree on something ancient without needing to explain it.

Turning 35 didn’t feel like a dramatic shift. Nothing broke. Nothing announced itself. There was no threshold moment, no visible change in the mirror. But something did settle. I can see it more clearly now: the things that will stay with me without effort, the things that will quietly fall away without ceremony, and the things that are ahead without asking for permission.

What Leaves

The Friction of Overthinking: The paralyzing habit of waiting for the "perfect" moment or the flawless plan before taking action is falling away. I am letting go of the need to know exactly how every road is paved before I choose to drive down it.

The Clutter: Both literal and mental. The temporary fixes, the transactional relationships, and the superficial anxieties as they no longer have the leverage to disrupt my peace. They are leaving without ceremony because there is simply no longer any room kept for them.

What stays

The Bible (The True North): In a world that shifts its soundtracks without warning, where trends emerge and dissolve overnight, having a single and unmoving True North is what keeps the gravity intact. Everything else can adjust, but the core remains fixed.

The Consistency: The daily, unglamorous showing up. The understanding that meaningful progress isn't born from sudden bursts of inspiration, but from the quiet discipline of closing the execution gaps day after day.

What’s Ahead

Deeper Mastery: Optimizing the engines already in motion, scaling what works, and leaning heavily into leverage through letting systems, automation, and deliberate choices do the heavy lifting so I can remain present for the moments that matter.

Sharing: Deliberate act of opening up the playbook. Sharing the lessons learnt along the way. It’s about creating a resonance that goes beyond my own immediate circle, helping others find their footing on their own unpaved roads, and realizing that the value of mastery increases exponentially when it is passed along.

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As the young waiter cleared the empty clay pots from our table and the final notes of the music faded into the ambient chatter of the room, I looked back across at my wife. The few grey hairs aren't a warning; they are a sign of tenure. But for tonight, sitting in the quiet register of a time well-spent, it is enough to know that the best work, and the truest version of myself, is still being built one quiet day at a time.

I Don’t Know What’s Coming Next — But I Know It Will Happen

 

Life has a way of humbling us. No matter how much we plan, prepare, or pray, it unfolds with both beauty and brutality — often at the same time. I have seen a lot in this life. Things I never imagined would happen. Things nobody ever prepared me for. Yet, they have become part of the reality I now understand.

No one told me that death would sometimes come suddenly — not to the old or the sick, but to the young and full of life. No one said that a smile today could hide a goodbye tomorrow. I have seen people lose loved ones when they least expected it, and it changes something deep within you. You realize how fragile life really is.

I have seen diseases strike without warning, leaving families in anguish and hearts questioning why. I have seen children born with conditions that make them dependent on their parents for life — parents who love them fiercely yet silently battle exhaustion, fear, and faith. These moments test the limits of human strength and reveal what love truly means.

I’ve also seen irony — the poor becoming super wealthy while the rich fall into ruin. Life doesn’t seem to follow any predictable pattern; it rewrites its own script every day. Children of the wealthy falling into addiction, while those from nothing rise to greatness. Life, it seems, doesn’t play favorites.

And then there’s betrayal — being cheated on by someone you trusted with your heart. That kind of pain pierces differently. It doesn’t just hurt your feelings; it shakes your sense of safety, your belief in people, even your own judgment. You realize that sometimes love isn’t enough to keep people faithful.

All of this has led me to one conclusion: life will always surprise us. Sometimes with joy, sometimes with heartbreak, often with both. We cannot predict what will come next. But we can choose how we respond — whether we allow pain to harden us or to deepen our compassion.

I don’t know what the next shocking thing will be, but I know it will come. That’s the rhythm of existence — loss and gain, joy and sorrow, light and darkness. And maybe, the wisdom in life is not to avoid the unpredictable, but to live fully despite it. To keep faith, even when the future looks uncertain. To love, even when love has wounded us before.

Because in the end, every shock, every surprise, every heartbreak adds depth to our story — and reminds us that while we cannot control life, we can still choose to live it with grace.

How to Make Better Choices in Life

Life is a series of choices. Some are simple—like what to wear. Others are life-altering—like which career to pursue or who to marry. Regardless of size, every decision shapes our journey. Yet many people either rush into choices emotionally or delay endlessly out of fear and confusion.

What if decision-making didn’t have to be overwhelming?

Here is a step-by-step framework that blends wisdom, clarity, and even spiritual insight to help you make sound, confident decisions.

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1. Ask the Right Question

Before deciding what to do, clarify what you’re deciding about. Many people feel stuck simply because they haven’t properly defined the issue.

• What exactly is the choice before me?

• What outcome am I aiming for?

A problem well-defined is half-solved.

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2. Gather Information

Good decisions are built on accurate input.

• Facts — Research relevant data.

• Wise Counsel — Seek opinions from trusted people or experts.

• Alternatives — List out all realistic options.

Don’t just go with the first idea that comes to mind. Better choices appear when alternatives are explored.

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3. Assess Your Options

Write things down—don’t just think in your head.

• Pros and cons — What are the benefits and drawbacks?

• Weigh importance — Which factors matter most? (Time? Cost? Emotional well-being?)

• Evaluate risks — What could go wrong, and can you live with that?

This turns overwhelming thoughts into manageable clarity.

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4. Check Your Values and Priorities

Not every “good” option is good for you.

• Does this decision align with your values?

• Does it support your long-term goals?

Ask: “If I choose this—am I moving toward or away from the kind of person I want to become?”

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5. Explore Possible Outcomes

Visualize before you finalize.

• Best-case scenario?

• Worst-case scenario?

• Most likely outcome?

This helps you choose with realism, not just optimism or fear.

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6. Make the Decision

At some point, you must commit. The goal is not perfection—but alignment.

Choose the option that best fits your goals, values, and peace.

And yes—trust your instincts. Your spirit and subconscious often know what your logic hasn’t yet articulated.

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7. Take Action

A decision without execution is still indecision.

• Break down the choice into practical steps.

• Start moving—momentum builds clarity.

Clarity often comes after action, not before it.

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8. Reflect and Adjust

Every choice is a lesson.

• Did it lead where you hoped?

• What would you do differently next time?

Growth comes not just from decisions—but from reviewing decisions.

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Bonus: Tips for Better Decision-Making

• Set deadlines — Don’t drown in overthinking.

• Avoid decision fatigue — Don’t decide major things when exhausted.

• Stay objective — Recognize emotions and outside pressure, but don’t be ruled by them.

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Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Pitfall	Description
Analysis Paralysis	Overthinking without moving
Confirmation Bias	Only listening to what agrees with you
Overconfidence	Assuming you already know enough
Groupthink	Agreeing with the majority to avoid conflict

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Types of Choices You’ll Encounter

Choice Type	Description
Simple	Clear outcomes — what to eat
Complex	Multiple variables — choosing a career
Everyday	Habit-forming — when to exercise
Life-Altering	Marriage, relocation, children
Moral	Truth vs. protection, justice vs. mercy
Forced	Emergencies or limited options

Knowing what kind of decision you’re facing helps set the right strategy.

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What Influences Your Choices?

• Values & Priorities

• Information & Knowledge

• Emotions & Intuition

• Social Pressure

• Available Resources

• Risk vs Reward

When you understand what is influencing you, you regain control.

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Inviting God Into Your Decisions

If you believe in divine guidance, then decisions are not just logical but spiritual.

God often answers prayers through:

• Supernatural intervention

• Releasing graces — wisdom, favor, clarity

• Using people — divine connectors, mentors, helpers

Sometimes the right decision is not revealed through lightning, but through conversations, peace, discomfort, or unexpected opportunities.

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Final Thought

Good decisions are not about always being right — they’re about being intentional, aligned, and courageous. With the right framework and a bit of faith, you can make decisions without fear — and live with confidence, not regret.

When It Doesn’t Make Sense Yet

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” — Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

There are verses we quote casually and verses we only truly understand when life presses us. Romans 8:28 is usually the latter. It is not a coffee-mug slogan. It is a survival anchor.

Because let’s be honest:

• Not everything feels good.

• Not everything looks good.

• Some seasons of life are painful, confusing, and seemingly unredeemable.

So how can the Apostle Paul boldly claim that “all things” are working together for good?

The key is in understanding how God works.

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God Is a Master Weaver — But We Only See the Threads

Life often looks like a table full of disconnected events—some joyful, some tragic, some that make no sense at all. But God is not reacting; He is orchestrating. He sees the tapestry from above while we only see tangled strings underneath.

• Joseph was betrayed by family — yet God used it to save nations.

• Moses was rejected and exiled — yet it became leadership training.

• Jesus was crucified unjustly — yet it became salvation.

The worst moments were not dead ends, but doorways.

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The Gift and the Condition: “To Those Who Love God”

Romans 8:28 is not universal positivity. It carries a condition — “to those who love God… who are called according to His purpose.” Meaning:

• You don’t have to understand everything.

• But you do have to trust Someone.

Faith is not pretending everything is fine — it’s believing that even what isn’t fine is not final.

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Good Doesn’t Always Mean Pleasant

We often interpret “good” as:

• Comfort

• Quick solutions

• Visible progress

But God defines “good” as anything that pushes us closer to His purpose. Sometimes:

• Delay builds patience.

• Loss reveals idols.

• Failure redirects us.

• Pain softens our hearts.

God isn’t just arranging circumstances — He’s shaping you.

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So What Do We Do While We Wait?

When life makes no sense yet…

✅ Hold on to Romans 8:28 as a decision — not an emotion.
✅ Speak it even when you don’t feel it.
✅ Look for evidence of God’s fingerprints in hindsight — it builds faith for the future.
✅ Thank Him not just for what happened, but for what He will make of it.

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Final Thought

You may not see the “good” yet, but God is not done. What feels like a full stop is often just a comma in His story.

So when your heart begins to doubt, whisper this to your soul:

“I don’t know how… but I know Who.”
“I don’t see the good yet… but I will.”
“And I choose to believe His report.”

Whose Report Will You Believe?

There are moments in life when the facts are the same, yet the conclusions people draw are completely different. Some see problems, others see possibilities. Some see defeat, others see opportunity.

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🌄 Two Groups, Two Reports

Moses sends twelve men to scout the Promised Land. Their mission is not to debate whether they should go in — God had already promised the land — but simply to confirm its richness and bring back a report. This is noted in Numbers 13 and 14.

When they return, everyone agrees on the facts:

• The land is fertile and beautiful.

• The people are strong and the cities are fortified.

• There are giants living there.

But the interpretation of these facts splits into two reports:

• The Majority Report (10 spies): “The land is good, but the giants are too strong. We felt like grasshoppers compared to them. We cannot win.”

• The Minority Report (Joshua and Caleb): “The land is exceedingly good. Yes, there are challenges, but God is with us. We can surely take it.”

Same evidence. Different perspective.

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⚖️ When Perspective Becomes Destiny

The ten spies’ fearful perspective spread quickly, and the entire nation broke into panic. Instead of trusting the promise, they cried all night, complained against Moses, and even discussed going back to Egypt.

The consequence? Tragic. That generation never stepped into the land of promise. They spent forty years wandering in the wilderness, until only their children — and Joshua and Caleb — were left to enter.

What started as a difference in perspective ended as a difference in destiny.

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🔍 Why Perspective Matters More Than Circumstances

Think about it: all twelve spies faced the same reality, yet their focus determined their future. This teaches us something timeless:

• Focus on giants, and you’ll magnify your fear.

• Focus on God’s promise, and you’ll magnify your courage.

The lens you use shapes your decisions, and decisions shape outcomes.

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🧭 Lessons for Our Lives Today

1. Check your lens
   Are you looking at life through fear or through faith? Through scarcity or through possibility? What you choose to see will define what you do.

2. Guard your circle
   Ten voices of fear influenced an entire nation, while only two voices spoke faith. Be careful which voices you allow to shape your outlook.

3. Don’t let fear rewrite your story
   Fear convinces us that going backwards is safer than moving forwards. But retreating to “Egypt” — old habits, old comfort zones — is never the path to promise.

4. Perspective is never neutral
   It’s not just an opinion. It carries real consequences. The way you interpret life determines whether you step into opportunities — or miss them entirely.

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✨ The Takeaway

The story of Numbers 13 and 14 reminds us that perspective has power. It can change the trajectory of your personal life, your family, your business, and even generations after you.

The giants in your life may be real. The obstacles may look intimidating. But so is your God. So is your strength. So is your potential.

The real question is: Whose report will you believe?

Why You Should Never Ask “What Do You Do?”

 

It’s a phrase that rolls off the tongue so naturally: “So, what do you do?” Whether at a wedding, a networking event, or meeting a stranger for the first time, this question has become the default icebreaker.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: asking someone “What do you do?” is often the worst way to get to know them. It reduces, boxes, and sometimes even wounds people. In fact, it says more about us — and our assumptions — than it does about them.

🎭 It Reduces People to Their Jobs

When you ask “What do you do?”, what you’re really asking is: “What is your occupation?” The assumption here is that a job equals a person’s identity.

But people are far more than their titles.

A nurse might also be a poet and the anchor of her community choir.

A matatu conductor could be a brilliant entrepreneur building an online hustle on the side.

A stay-at-home dad might be shaping his children’s lives in ways no salary can measure.

By starting with “what do you do?”, you flatten a whole human being into a single line of work.

💰 It Reinforces Social Hierarchies

Let’s be honest: in many cultures — including here in Kenya — asking “what do you do?” is a subtle way of ranking people.

If someone says, “I’m a CEO” or “I work in the UN,” you instinctively perk up.

If they say, “I’m unemployed” or “I’m just a casual laborer,” there’s often an unconscious downgrade in how you treat them.

This is dangerous because it equates human worth with economic output. It teaches us to respect the title, not the person. And in societies with sharp inequality, this kind of question quietly deepens classism.

🧠 It Limits Deeper Conversations

The script is predictable:

“What do you do?”

“I’m in finance.”

“Oh nice, which company?”

And just like that, the conversation stays trapped in shallow waters. You learn about industries and job roles, but not about the person’s heart, their struggles, or what makes them come alive.

It’s like judging a book by the library shelf it sits on, without ever opening its pages.

🪞 The Hidden Burden of the Question

We rarely think about it, but for some people, “What do you do?” is a painful question.

The graduate still hunting for a job feels shame answering.

The person who just lost their job feels exposed.

The single mother juggling hustles feels invisible, because her real work — raising children — doesn’t count as “something impressive.”

A question meant to “break the ice” ends up reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.

🌱 Better Questions to Ask Instead

If you truly want to know someone, you need to go beyond their payslip. Try asking:

“What are you passionate about these days?”

“What’s something exciting happening in your life right now?”

“What challenges are you working through?”

“What’s a project or dream you’re working on?”

These questions unlock stories, not just titles. They draw out values, struggles, joys, and depth — the things that make people human.

✨ The Bigger Picture

Life is unpredictable. Jobs come and go. Careers pivot. But who a person is — their values, their passions, their resilience — is far bigger than a job title.

By reducing people to “what they do,” we not only miss out on deeper connection, we also reinforce the unhealthy belief that a person’s worth is measured by their career.

So the next time you meet someone, resist the urge to ask “What do you do?” Instead, ask something that makes them feel like more than their LinkedIn profile.

Because no one is just a job. Everyone is a story waiting to be heard.

Consistency Is the Most Important Skill Today

 

In a world chasing quick wins, shortcuts, and overnight success stories, there’s one quality that quietly outperforms them all: consistency.

You don’t need to be the smartest, the most talented, or even the most connected to succeed. What you need is the discipline to keep showing up, day after day. Talent may give you a head start, but consistency is what takes you to the finish line.

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🚀 Why Consistency Outshines Everything Else

• Small Steps Compound – Just like investments, consistent actions multiply over time. Ten minutes of daily reading builds more knowledge than one weekend marathon.

• Trust and Reliability – In business and relationships, people value those they can depend on. Showing up consistently builds credibility.

• Focus Amid Distractions – In an age of noise and endless options, consistency cuts through the chaos and creates direction.

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🧠 Consistency Is a Skill, Not a Trait

Many people think consistency is just “for the disciplined.” But in reality, it’s a skill that can be built with the right systems.

• Systems beat willpower – If you rely only on motivation, you’ll fail when you’re tired or distracted. Build routines and structures that make showing up automatic.

• Discipline over hype – Anyone can get excited for a week; few can stay committed for a year. The difference lies in discipline.

• Identity shift – When you start seeing yourself as “the kind of person who follows through,” consistency becomes part of who you are.

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💡 Real-World Proof

• McDonald’s – Not the best burger in the world, but the most consistent experience anywhere in the world. That reliability built a global empire.

• Toyota – Their production system, based on consistency and continuous improvement, turned them into an industry benchmark.

• Athletes – The greatest are not just the most gifted, but the ones who train every single day, even when no one is watching.

• Creators & Professionals – The ones who publish, write, or perform consistently build trust, while many more talented voices fade away due to inconsistency.

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🔑 How to Build Consistency in Your Life

1. Start Small – Don’t try to run a marathon tomorrow. Begin with daily steps you can sustain.

2. Make It Visible – Track your progress, no matter how small. Progress fuels persistence.

3. Anchor with Habits – Tie new actions to existing routines. For example, read for 10 minutes after your morning coffee.

4. Recover Fast – Missing once is normal; missing twice starts a pattern. Reset quickly.

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✨ Final Thought

Consistency is not glamorous. It rarely gets applause. But it is the hidden force behind every long-term success — in business, in fitness, in faith, and in personal growth.

While others stop and start, drift and restart, you will keep moving. And over time, your steady steps will take you further than any burst of effort ever could.

In the end, consistency beats intensity — every single time.